Rhythm Is Gonna Get You and Possibly Mess Up Your Swing

Gloria Estefan and the Miami Sound Machine told us that the rhythm is gonna get us. What we also know about the rhythm is that if you choose the wrong at-bat song, it could mess up your concentration or worse, your swing. Do you want to go ofer? Do you?!? Of course you don’t.

Since we all have big or minor-league dreams about playing professional ball, The Spitter scribes have chosen their at-bat songs.

Scott Fendley: Mine? “The Barbarian” by ELP. The first 1:20 ending with Lake’s fuzz bass note. A stadium with an organ could also play it, too. I’d be a utility infielder, but with on base skills. Lance Blankenship’s 1992 crossed with Jose Oquendo’s versatility.

The 1990 Bangor Blues, my greatest fictional team ever… You know, since everyone has a Sunday alt, why not alt walk up song? If so, then “Strutter” by Kiss on Sundays.

Scott Kelly: Mine would be “Gasoline” by Seether because the intro is face-melting. I’d be Scooter Kelly, a fire plug of a catcher for the Pensacola Blue Wahoos (Cincy’s AA affiliate).

Keith Good: Probably “Sugar, Sugar” by the Archies just to fuck with people. Todd Frazier, in Cincinnati, always used Frank Sinatra as his walk up and it always cracked me up to hear Ol Blue Eyes squeezed between Hardcore Thrash metal and Salsacore Rap.

And I’d definitely be a rec-specs wearing, soft-bat utility infielder with the mid-90s Indians who would only get late-inning at-bats because the starters are already down bar-hopping in The Flats.

Brad Bortone: Slayer – because it sounds awesome before Frank Sinatra and salsacore rap. Also, because it’s Slayer. Mets, third base, batting second, 1999.

Patrick Smith: Mine would be “(You Must Fight to Live) On the Planet of the Apes” by the Mummies from their album “Death By Unga Bunga.” It’s sloppy, it’s dramatic and it sticks in your head for weeks. That’s the kind of ballplayer I want to be. Catcher, batting sixth, ’77 Pirates. This is my alt walkup music: Heems, “Coca-Cola Freestyle“.
Elisabeth Galina: It’s 1986 and I’m playing shortstop for the Jewish Community Centre in New Orleans. I’m also four years old so the bat is bigger than me. We didn’t have at-bat music in T-ball and at four I wasn’t really into music that  wasn’t about baby belugas or making sandwiches (shoutout to Raffi and Fred Penner!) but the “Top Gun Anthem” by Harold Faltermeyer and Steve Stevens is what I would’ve liked to have play me up to the plate.
I definitely would’ve struck out a lot.
Striking out in T-ball actually runs in my family. My brother would strike out a few years later when playing for the Saint Laurent Cubs. Also, those Cubs had green jerseys. T-ball is weird.
As for an alternate song, I’ll go with “Three Small Words” from Josie and the Pussycats, the only comic book movie since Tim Burton’s Batman series that didn’t make me nervous.
What would your at-bat song be? Tell us in the comments before the rhythm gets you.

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