Bases Bloated: Mulder Wrote a Book

I am well aware that David Duchovny isn’t actually Fox Mulder. I just really like The X-Files. I also watch Aquarius. I never got past the second season of Californication but it was mostly because Gillian Anderson wasn’t in it and it was too soon for me to see Mulder without Scully. Anyway, Bucky F*cking Dent is a book written by David Duchovny who plays Mulder so no, Mulder didn’t write a book but agree to disagree. Or don’t. Whatevs.

Bucky F*cking Dent is Duchovny’s second book. It’s a novel about a guy named Ted, an ivy league grad who is wasting his life until his estranged father gets sick. Hilarity ensues! Jokes. It’s a drama.

Instead of doing a conventional book review I decided to break Bucky F*ucking Dent down into what I liked and what I didn’t.

What I liked:

The Yiddish

Sometimes I forget that not everyone grew up in a family where Yiddish worlds were thrown around like soft pitches during the Home Run Derby. Most of the conversations I had with my grandparents featured words that sounded like they were invented by Mel Brooks’ Eastern European cousin who was trying his best to speak English after too many glasses of spiked borscht. I still use most of those words in conversation today and am always met with blank stares from the non-Heebs in my life. Even some of my Jewish friends are like, “What are you even, tho?”. You haven’t heard anything until you witnessed my grandpa Mike with his thick Polish accent trying to order a McLobster from a French-Canadian cashier at the McDonald’s in Place Vertu in St. Laurent, Québec. Poetry. Pure poetry. So yeah, I dig the Yiddish words Duchovny varfns in to Bucky F*cking Dent because it reminds me being 11 years old and gnawing on a karnatzel in my grandparents kitchen while me and my Bubbi watched the Clinton inauguration.

The prose

Duchovny can write. Dude can make an engaging sentence that that sets up time, place, emotions and all that other stuff. He has a way of describing the Yankees and Red Sox as they they fought for supremacy in 1978 without being boring. I mean come on, how many times do we have to read about the 1978 tie-breaker game between the Yankees and Red Sox? Bucky Dent himself is over it. At least Duchovny makes it sound good. bucky f*cking dent

What I didn’t like:

The same old, same old

The father/son estranged relationship that gets better when the dad is on his deathbed is something I’m kind of sick of. It seems like most books and movies seem to be about this subject. I get that father/son relationships are important but like, maybe let’s cool it for a while on this subject. Or don’t. Whatevs. Before the MRAs jump down my throat, I feel like I should point out here that I’m not looking for a mother/daughter relationship either. Relax.

The cheese factor

I was not feeling the saccharine bits. A little sugar is fine. Maybe you put a spoonful in your coffee in the morning. Maybe you have a cookie or two as an afternoon snack. But, you can’t spend the day consuming sugary foods. Your teeth’ll fall out and you’ll probably die of sugar death. While reading Bucky F*cking Dent, I could feel my teeth metaphorically falling out from all the forced sweet moments.

The lack of surprise

Okay hear me out on this once because Bucky F*cking Dent isn’t supposed to be a mystery novel. However, anything that happens in the book, I saw coming from a mile away. No spoilers but it wasn’t hard to predict how each scenario would play out.

All in all, Mulder’s Duchovny’s novel is a light read that should be consumed by anyone who hates Bucky Dent, likes Bucky Dent or bought this book because they saw Duchovny on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert a few months back and were like, “ZOMG Mulder wrote a book about baseball?!? Must go on right now kthnxbai.”

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