My wife and I have this disagreement about the expression “you can’t have your cake and eat it too.” What does it mean?

She believes the metaphor indicates that once you’ve eaten the cake, it’s gone. [NOTE: I think this is what she believes. We have spent countless hours debating it and I’m still shaky on her interpretation.]

I believe it means that, if given a piece of cake, you may not eat it. It’s some kind of cruel trick. Yes, you may have cake. You may admire it, but you may not eat it. In this case, having cake and being unable to eat it is worse than having no cake at all. Deep, right?

Now that I put words to electronic paper, that sounds ridiculous. Under what circumstance would someone give you cake you couldn’t eat? But that’s just it! The cruelty! Man’s inhumanity to man! All that!

In any case, today, the role of “cake” will be played by Mark Trumbo.

Orioles fans have fallen in love with Trumbo, the major league home run leader. We kind of remember him a little from his days with the Angels and last season with Seattle. But really, in the offseason, before Baltimore had signed slugger Chris Davis to a multiyear deal, Trumbo was the one-year insurance policy.

He’s been a spectacular surprise, cranking homers all over the place, outpacing even Davis. He reminds O’s fans of Nelson Cruz, another bargain basement Baltimore pickup who led the AL in homers in 2014. We cried and we booed and we stomped our feet when Cruz signed with the M’s after that season, but the Orioles were never really a serious contender to keep Cruz. And the same will go for Mark Trumbo.

If the Orioles are to hang onto first place and win the AL East, I think we can all agree they’ll need an upgrade to their starting rotation. Despite the offseason addition of Yovani Gallardo, the only effective starters have been Chris Tillman and Kevin Gausman. The rest: disaster. Without a lineup full of bombers, the Orioles would be the Braves. The Birds lead the majors in homers and are second in the AL in runs per game. Only Boston – whose starters have been as bad as Baltimore’s but who also have a bad bullpen – scores more.

So you see where I’m headed with all this, right?

Yesterday’s Peter Schmuck column in the Baltimore Sun brought up the idea: how about Trumbo for a pitcher?

Cake: Trumbo and his homers.

Eat it: Sorry. We need to trade your cake for some much-needed brussels sprouts.

All those soaring homers. Five multi-homer games in the first half of 2016. Gee Dad, do we HAVE to trade him?

I’m afraid so, son.

I think Baltimore’s fans have kept Trumbo at a slight distance, after falling in love with Cruz and watching him sign with Seattle. But it’d still be a tough pill to swallow.

Except what can you get for Trumbo? Sure, he’s having a great year. But will anyone part with a decent starter for half a season of homers? I’m not betting on it.

So, there you go. If any team is willing to deal a number 2 starter (left-handed, please?) for three months of a so-so fielding, homer happy slugger, please call 410-848-BIRD. Otherwise, O’s fans, enjoy the homer show and pray the starters get better.