Shorts, Brad Ausmus?
From the start of their 80th spring training, the 2016 Detroit Tigers were doomed by one poor decision from third-year manager Brad Ausmus. Scott Fendley immediatley shelved writing “The Most Disappointing Season For The Detroit Tigers,” because it’s about to unfold.
Have you no decency, Mr. Ausmus? You couldn’t make it through the first week of Spring Training without breaking one of baseball’s most cherished unwritten rules, right below No Crying. Leaders of men don’t wear shorts.
Leaders of men shouldn’t wear shorts. Leaders of men can’t wear shorts.
And yet, with a sweltering high of 73 Wednesday in Lakeland, Florida, aka Tigertown, Ausmus led workouts in shorts. Shorts, that while not quite John Stockton short, exposed his pale, skinny legs and knobby knees for all the world and the disapproving baseball gods to see and never be able to unsee.
“I see it as a sign that he doesn’t care about anything or anyone,” said pitcher Anibal Sanchez, after having misfortune to be caught by cameras wearing the same t-shirt and gym shorts as his skipper. “I mean it’s hard enough to respect the guy when he’s only 15 years older than me and never smokes in the dugout. I don’t care if he’s been inducted into the National Jewish Sports Hall of Fame. But now this shorts thing, Dios mío. Every time I close my eyes, I just see his bone-white, naked legs. I’ve already had three phone sessions with my sports psychologist. I don’t think I’ll ever feel whole or safe ever again.”