The Rarest Bird
BIRDWATCHER 1: Hey, can you move over? I can’t see the Warehouse. I’m trying to spot the rare Duquette.
BIRDWATCHER 2: Hey, quit shovin’! Anyway, settle down – there’s nothing to see. I’ve been here for weeks and all I’ve seen from the Duquette is Yovani Gallardo for Seth Smith.
BIRDWATCHER 1: Well, that’s something anyway, right?
BIRDWATCHER 2: I guess. Addition by subtraction. Smith isn’t going to win anyone a pennant. But getting rid of Gallardo was a good move.
BIRDWATCHER 1: Yeah, I don’t think Duquette thought much of him last year.
BIRDWATCHER 2: No wonder. Sore arm, couldn’t go more than 5 innings.
BIRDWATCHER 1: That’s fine, but who’s going to replace him in the rotation? Right now it looks like Tillman, Gausman, Wade Miley and Ubaldo Jimenez.
BIRDWATCHER 2: God help us all. But don’t forget Dylan Bundy. He’ll be in the starting rotation this year. Time for him to live up to his potential.
Also, you missed the catcher signing. That was a little exciting.
BIRDWATCHER 1: I heard about that. Wellington Castillo, right?
BIRDWATCHER 2: Yeah. From Arizona. Probably means Wieters is gone. Though nobody’s in much of a hurry to sign a 30-year-old catcher who needed Tommy John surgery. It wouldn’t shock me to see Matt back here in some capacity. And paid a lot less.
BIRDWATCHER 1: Seems a shame. Wieters never quite lived up the hype we heard when he was drafted.
BIRDWATCHER 2: Who could? There were people who actually called him the greatest prospect since 1950. Poor guy. Nobody’s that good.
BIRDWATCHER 1: What else did I miss?
BIRDWATCHER 2: A couple of Rule Fives. [Yawn!] And somebody called a “Logan Verrett.”
BIRDWATCHER 1: The Duquette sure loves Rule Fives.
BIRDWATCHER 2: He lives on Rule Fives in the winter. Makes a nest out of them. They keep him warm, I guess.
BIRDWATCHER 1: Weird. So what’s next?
BIRDWATCHER 2: Well, we keep hearing he’s off and on with Trumbo. No telling what he’ll do. Like always, he’ll wait it out. He’ll fly south in about a month and start gathering scraps and panicky free agents. Every pitcher whose not already signed. He’ll sift through them and try to find one worth keeping.
BIRDWATCHER 1: [Yawn!] Seems like we’ve been watching this forever. Are they even in there?
BIRDWATCHER 2: Oh they’re in there, all right. But they’re so careful this time of year. I think we better get comfortable. Nothing’s going to happen for a while.