What We Learned on Opening Day

Sure, there were three games on Sunday, but yesterday was the big unveiling for 2016 and here’s what we took away from it.

The odd

Scooter Gennett took Madison Bumgarner deep and Denard Span drove in five. We would say that it was bizarro world in Milwaukee, but when it comes to this iteration of the Brewers, this may just be Monday.

Chris Tillman struck out five Twins in a row, then exited stage left because of rain. Then again, it worked out because he had to catch a quick flight to San Diego where he would magically turn into Clayton Kershaw.

The Rangers defeated Felix Hernandez on one hit. It wasn’t a homer or bases clearing double and the Mariners scored two. “That’s all we got was one GODDAMN hit?” You can’t say goddamn on the air. “We won anyway. That hit was brought to you by…hell, I can’t find it. To hell with it.”

Trevor Story did his best Tulo and reminded Jose Reyes that if he wants to win, all he has to do is not play.

The Rams Dodgers blanked the Chargers Padres 15-0. Let’s face it, broadcasting the Friars this season must have Dick Enberg feeling like he’s stuck in some purgatory where he’s doomed to call Super Bowl XXVII over and over again. #GroundhogDay

The expected

Bryce Harper picked up right where he left off with a blast and a “Make Baseball Fun Again” lid? Clown question, bro.

The Jays launched three homers and Kevin Pillar made a great catch. Who knew?

Jake Arrieta and the Cubs looked every bit the preseason favorite pundits believed them to be and only need to win another 161 games to remain undefeated.

“Chris Sale is good.” — Adam LaRoche’s kid.

To paraphrase Tom Kelly: There’s a book. It’s a storybook season. What’s gonna happen today on Day Two, Chapter Two? Oh, my God. I can’t wait.

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