The wiseguys tapped Toronto to walk on the AL East. Don’t look, though, because Baltimore jumped out of the gate with seven straight wins and have powered past their AL East rivals through the early season. That kind of performance deserves a parody of a 90’s mega hit, no?

Nuthin’ But an O’s Thang (with extreme apologies to Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg)

1, 2, 3 and to the 4
Mr. Machado n’ Chris Davis at the door
Ready to light up Camden, so back on up
(‘Cause you know we bout to rip pitches up.)
Gimme that Louisville first so I can slug off a double
DR and Charm City together, now you know you in trouble
It ain’t nuthin but an O’s thing — baby
Two WAR’ed-up sluggers so we’re crazy
Angelo is the owner that pays me
Unbeatable so please dont try to beat this (hell yeah)
So back to the season at hand
Blue Jays, Sox n’ Yankees gonna make ‘em understand
From a young O’s perspective
That before we swing at a pitch we got to check the sign at second
You never know, he could be curvin’ it man, swervin’ man
At the same time burnin’ you man
Now you know I ain’t for no K’s, Lieutenant
Ain’t no pitcher good enough to get one by when I’m swingin’
And thats realer than real beer at Brewers Field
So all you Royals and ‘Stros know how I feel
So if we’re good enough to break it off to 7-0
Pencil Baltimore for that Pennant, brah.

Win this and win that and win this and O’s
Will Win that and win this and win that and O’s
Will Win this and win that and win this and O’s
Davis, creep to the bat like a phantom.

While they’re sleepin, O’s’ll creep in and we’ll sweep em’
And be back in the air, while their people still weepin’
Now it’s time for me to make my impression felt
So sit back, relax, and strap on your seat belt
Never seen a ball fly like this before
With a first baseman who can rake and control the scoreboard
At the same time with each deep fly that I hit
You know and I know: we’re winning like ‘66
We’ll add to our collection, fall perfection
Immortalized in gold, power stroke, but don’t choke
If you do, you’ll have no clue
Of what me and my Orioles came to do

Win this and win that and win this and O’s
Will win that and win this and win that and O’s
Will win this and win that and win this and O’s
Heart attack on those pads with a hella wide first base lead
Stealin baggies left n right while them old catchers howl n scream
In the capital B, home free you see, in the A-L-T
I M undefeatable gimme O R E, MD
League best OPS, wrecking every pitcher’s night
Pimping homers and trotting my trip like my name was Harper, Bryce.
Yeah, and it don’t quit
The league is in the mood for a twenty 16 O’s hits (Hell yeah!)
So Davis (Whattup M?)
Gotta give them what they want (What’s that, yo?)
We gotta break em off something (Hell yeah!)
The hits gotta be bumpin’ (Charm City rockin!)

Renaissance takin’ place, you just watch our ascension
Clobberin’ every other club without even flinchin’
Dropping the crooked innings that’s making the sucker pitchers mumble
When I’m at the bat, it’s like a cookie: they all crumble
Try to throw smoke, and that crap’ll get smacked
My other slugger homie Schoop Dogg has got my back
Sluggin never slips, cause my BABIP is always rippin’
And if I got my K/9 down you know my bat’s flippin
And I’mma continue to keep the bat down, rip the gaps now
And if you pitchers won’t quit, I’ll have to throw the smack down
Yeah, Chris Davis don’t stop
I told you I’m just like a clock when I tick and I tock
Crush is never off, always launch all these homerun hombs
See it going, going, gone! Like Hall of Famer Eddie Murray,
Stringin those all hits together
Come October you will see, No One Can Do it Better