The Cleveland LeBrons

The Land watched between trembling fingers. Nothing would have been more “Cleveland” than fighting back from a 3-1 deficit to force game 7 of the NBA Finals, only to lose in the waning moments.

Except solid defense forced NBA MVP Steph Curry to brick his final shot. And more importantly, LeBron put the entire 216 Area Code on his back. His triple-double in game 7 of an NBA Finals puts him in the hallowed company of “The Logo” Jerry West and James Worthy.

When Warriors shooting guard Andre Iguodala broke for a gimme layup in the game’s closing minutes, James teleported down the court to swat the ball away. Eff The Drive and The Fumble; we have The Block. James’ hustle would not be matched. The Cavaliers fought back from a 3-1 NBA Finals deficit and beat the best regular season team in NBA history…in their own house. By sweat and blood and force of will, LeBron James muscled a championship back to Cleveland, the first in 52 years.

The Land, you can imagine, is pleased. Lines for Championship merch stretch for city blocks. The 216 area code is painted wine and gold. The whole city seems ready to turn a new page. The infamous Cleveland Browns QB Jersey, listing each of the team’s 25 starting QBs since 1999, has been retired. The Factory of Sadness is under new management.

This is the exact moment Cleveland Indians’ owner Larry Dolan has been waiting for. Ownership has been desperate to get rid of their Wahoo without damming their merch revenue. In the wake of the Cleveland Cavaliers’ NBA Championship, ownership has a symbol insulated against backlash. Cleveland has a homegrown logo without a single racist undertone, one guaranteed to move an absolute shit ton of merch in Cleveland.

May we present for your consideration, Larry Dolan, a new age in Cleveland Baseball, the Cleveland LeBrons:


After all, it’s no dumber than having a smiling racist as a mascot.

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