The Shredder

There’s a new comic book villain, folks. He’s a tall, petulant, whiny, extremely talented baby. When he doesn’t get his way, he stomps, pouts and cuts things up with a knife like a deranged teen girl slicing up peers in her burn book.

Yes, I’m talking about Chris Sale.

Sale, as we all know, went all Edward Scissorhands on the White Sox’ 70’s throwback jerseys Saturday, the day he was supposed to pitch. He ruined them all, so they had to use other jerseys in the game. Sale also has a five day vacation from the team, and the trade rumors are now reaching DEFCON 5 now.

Chicago is basically laughing at this clown, or ignoring him now, since the Cubs traded for Ardolis Chapman. Here, though, we never forget, especially since Sale ruined the best throwbacks going right now.

He claimed that he didn’t like ‘the cut’ or ‘how they felt’ or some nonsense. Here’s a little secret though. The throwbacks are fitted the same as a player’s normal jersey and are not the same fit or feel as they were in 1976. Maybe it was the collar? If so, man up. If it was good enough for Goose Gossage and Clay Carroll, it should be good enough for Sale, the high-strung namby pamby.

I know that players are superstitious about uniforms. Sometimes teams introduce a color combo, and it may last for a month before it’s quietly put away. One of the most famous cases were the Twins’ Dairy Queen Sunday uniform tops in the late 90’s. They lost every game they wore those, and the players just stopped wearing them.

There have been hideous, heinous uniforms throughout baseball. Remember the “Future” Jerseys they wore in 1999? Ghastly. How about the all maroon set the Phillies wore once in 1979. Do you think Boog Powell and Frank Robinson liked the “Blood Clot” look of the Indians in 1975? I didn’t hear of anyone chopping those to shreds. I’m sure the Tequila Sunrise jerseys of the Astros didn’t rub a lot of older players the right way.

Sale should have just dealt with it for one game instead of making filet-o-throwback. He wants the team to win, right? That’s what he’s all about, or so he says. But he should pick his battles, and not do something stupid like get suspended to Matt Albers has to start in his place. He also shouldn’t be a GM, since he seems to like old, washed up first basemen instead of players who can actually play.

If Sale continues on his sartorial rampage, there are two things he can do to stop his villianous ways and get on the side of good.

He can destroy the Diamondbacks charcoal abominations. Those things are evil.

He can also ruin everyone’s pajama pants so everyone in MLB will have to go high cuffed. That way, everyone shows sock or stirrup and actually look like baseball players.

Do those two things, and all is forgiven, Chris. All is forgiven.

 

 

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