Zack Grinke he has a need for speed. Will we get the greenlight the next time he’s on base?

Speed has its own language: Speedish… and the all-time baseball leader in Speedish is Bob Gibson with 13 for a career. Some of you are saying, “No no no no no no no. Ricky Henderson has…” And yes, you’re right. But we’re not talking about ordinary records. We’re talking about the all-time stolen base record for pitchers. And Zack Greinke is in the hunt. Despite several years in Kansas City where they have the DH and then being traded again to the American League and the Houston Astros, Greinke has nine career home runs to go with nine stolen bases. Simply put, he’s the pitching equivalent of Mike Trout but with the ability to grow the little Dutch Boy hairdo. Greinke is publicly complaining-and rightfully so- about the lack of opportunity he has had to torture opposing pitchers as much as he has tortured opposing hitters. And now he’s campaigning, “I really want 10 home runs and 10 stolen bases.”

O.K., “complaining” is overselling it a little. But he did say it at spring training. How about, “dreamily mentioned?”

Now some morons jumped all over this statement as something to be laughed at. Not here. We hereby heartily endorse Homer Hanky Greinke and his run at what should be one of the most hallowed records in all of sports. He’s not going to overtake Wes Ferrell who set the homer mark with 37 or Bob lemon and Warren Spahn who have the more modern day record at 35. But Greinke’s got a shot at Bob Gibson‘s stolen base tally of 13. And the Astros should move heaven and earth to make it happen.

Look, baseball is supposed to be fun. Will Ferrell, not Wes, raised more than a million dollars in a single day just by showing up to play for -and getting traded to- 10 different teams in the same day. Surely we can get Greinke in a couple of games as a pinch runner and turn him loose against a reliever who has never seriously considered throwing over to first… ever.

Is this selfish on Greinke’s part? Not really. We’re supposed to try to accomplish things while helping our team win. It’s part of the game. There will be situations this year when a back up catcher gets on base late in the ball game and the Astros need a run. We hereby call upon Dusty Baker to do the right thing. Put in the Greinkenator and give him the green light. let’s see this happen. And for you 800 fans who are allowed into the ballpark this year, he’s going to need some help. He’s not a young man. But he’s got a chance at Greinkness and you can help make this happen.

So here are some helpful chants that will certainly get his competitive juices going once he gets on base:

Once he throws the walker to the side, try “G! R! O! 90 feet!” and “Let’s go, AST-GROS!. One of my favorites: ZACK the ZIP-per, clap clap, clap clap clap. You can make a ZZZZZZZZOOOOOSH! sound anytime, really. And what will certainly be a fan favorite, “We need a Grein-ke not a Tom Henke.”

So let’s go people. We have a chance to see history made. Let’s not screw it up by playing smart baseball. There is a record there for the taking. And Zack Greinke is the man to take it.

Just remember, Greinke is Speedish for Swede.