Sure, Roel Ramirez gave up four home runs to four consecutive batters. But, it could have been worse…

It was kind of like watching a horror movie where the protagonist runs into the one place in the world from which he or she can’t escape, but it was also a lot like watching the baseball version of Tin Cup where Roy McAvoy makes a 12 on the final hole of the U.S. Open. I think we’d all rather be McAvoy. At least The Cup wasn’t dismembered by a Skil Saw.

But, like Cup, when shot after shot ended up in the water until he finally put it in the hole, Roel Ramirez also got to witness the high, arcing beauty of a ball well-struck and then see it splash down in a sea of despair.

Unfortunately for Ramirez, who, like Cup, is from Texas, he didn’t get much of a chance to redeem himself after his first appearance in the big leagues with the St. Louis Cardinals, an appearance that carries with it this stat line: six batters-faced, two singles, one walk, four home runs allowed. Four… consecutive… home… runs allowed.

Sadly, Ramirez was sent back to the minors after his two-thirds of an inning against the Chicago White Sox were over.

But, it wasn’t all bad news. There were, in fact, some bright spots associated with his epic appearance, which I would like to address to him personally, now.

1. Hi, Roel. Welcome to the Guinness Book of World Records. That’s right, the four consecutive homers are a first and you didn’t have to have an obese twin or a giant metal stretchy thingy around your neck to make the book. Though, it must have felt like an obese twin was sitting on your neck when that third home run left the yard. I can’t imagine how the fourth felt…
2. Of all batters who had to stop on a bag during your appearance, one-third were thrown out. To borrow from a different golf movie, at least you’ve got that going for you, which is nice.
3. Of the 30 pitches thrown, 17 were strikes, including the four that bounced off the unsuspecting heads of cardboard cutouts. Not pinpoint control, but not Steve Glass either.
4. Rio Grande Short-Haul Trucking, Brink and Brown Sanitation, First State Bank of Salome, and Wally’s Smokehouse are all looking to sponsor you.
5. You’ve got a reputation for starting off strong. That first strikeout of Luis Robert: CLASSIC!
6. You’ll know a liar when you meet him, as in every moron that comes up to you and says, “I was at that game!”
7. Dakota Hudson got the loss, not you.
8. Tin Cup was based on the real-life exploits of Gary McCord. So, there might be a movie deal in this for you down the road. Word of advice. If you get anywhere near a Master’s telecast, refrain from the term “bikini wax.”

See? It wasn’t all bad. Greatness is measured by the substantive nature of something and you substantived the hell out of this. And don’t let naysayers get to you. Some party pooper will try to diminsh your accomplishment, “Whatever, nine other times teams have hit back-to-back-to-back-to-back home runs in a game. What’s the big deal?” The big deal, you can tell that misguided soul, is that those teams needed left handers and right handers and starters and specialists and trips to the mound and changes of signs. But not you. You did it all by yourself. Those other teams got nothing on you.

Hopefully, you come back to the majors and throw a perfect game. That would definitely result in a movie. But even if you don’t, you’ve still given us something we’ve never seen before, and that’s pretty damn cool.